A scant year after the producers of the infamous Friday the 13th series tried to fool viewers by dubbing their latest offering "The Final Chapter", they outdid themselves with another grandiose title: "A New Beginning". Well, if this new beginning is a sign of things to come, then you better give up on Jason right away because this film is the pinnacle of anemic cinema, both in the literal sense and storytelling-wise. After 90 minutes of random, unsatisfying three-shot kills featuring an endless array of boring bystanders, you might as well wish for Jason's machete to put an end to your agony.
Could I get some dips for my chips?
This fifth chapter in the popular, yet highly generic series fathered by Sean S. Cunningham is the unsalted cracker of horror movies. It features no suspense, no characterization, no surprise, no atmosphere, no Jason, but worst of all, no blood. Or at least, not nearly enough blood to salvage what is essentially a mechanical accumulation of obligatory death scenes filmed without flair and without passion. Honestly, it's hard to find anything remotely attractive in this fakely whimsical, tedious new entry. There are two nice pair of breasts to provide a tiny bit of titillation, but nothing you can't get with a few clicks of a mouse (how great it is being a teenager in the age of Internet...). Buffed up lead John Shepherd provides a couple of inspired, mildly exciting fight scenes and there are a few interestingly framed kills, but finding them is akin to salvaging goods out of a dumpster.
The story focuses on Tommy Jarvis, the kid survivor from the previous installment. Now a grown adolescent, we see him confined to a private retreat for various fuck-ups (interpreted with a blatant lack of conviction by some no-namers and TV actors). At some point, people start dying and one is supposed to wonder exactly how Jason is involved. Is he stalking Tommy? Is Tommy so shell-shocked from the events of the previous film that he has developed a murderous alter-ego? While the answer is absolutely ludicrous, you won't even be inclined to engage in the guessing game as every character is flat and uninteresting. You will rather want them to die as soon as possible, and you will undoubtedly curse the limited amount of pain inflicted on them. What is perhaps most annoying of all is the fact that the killer is revealed early on by a compromising close-up. And let me tell you now, it ain't Jason risen from the grave. It is something even more uninteresting.
What the fuck is this?
The story focuses on Tommy Jarvis, the kid survivor from the previous installment. Now a grown adolescent, we see him confined to a private retreat for various fuck-ups (interpreted with a blatant lack of conviction by some no-namers and TV actors). At some point, people start dying and one is supposed to wonder exactly how Jason is involved. Is he stalking Tommy? Is Tommy so shell-shocked from the events of the previous film that he has developed a murderous alter-ego? While the answer is absolutely ludicrous, you won't even be inclined to engage in the guessing game as every character is flat and uninteresting. You will rather want them to die as soon as possible, and you will undoubtedly curse the limited amount of pain inflicted on them. What is perhaps most annoying of all is the fact that the killer is revealed early on by a compromising close-up. And let me tell you now, it ain't Jason risen from the grave. It is something even more uninteresting.
What the fuck is this?If you want a good idea of what the film has to offer, simply look at the original VHS sleeve. For one, I believe that it deserves a spot in the pantheon of the ugliest cover art ever to be approved for mass distribution, all media confounded. Hell, even the original Mega Man cover wasn't that bad. At least it featured some background graphics, even though they were completely retarded and mostly unrelated to the game at hand. What we've got here is the epitome of unimaginative, short-sighted commercial thinking: a fucking hockey mask with glowing red eyes. There appears to be something in the right socket, but who cares. The Friday the 13th films are not known for their depth, and the more you look for it, the more frustrated you will become once you face the true emptiness at the heart of the series.
0,5/5 A high body count of bystanders can't save this boring, underwhelming sham of a film
